[ of course, there is always loss in life, whether you're immortal or not. sooner or later, alec is sure to see his parents pass on, perhaps even his siblings if something were to happen. immortality really only means that he'll witness these losses with the knowledge that he's not so likely to follow after them. he'll have time—loads of time—to accept those deaths and move on, which might even be a benefit.
but thinking about the benefits of loved ones leaving is never easy.
raphael knows and accepts what he is, yes, but he completely understands why someone would want to find another way. if it was his fate to become immortal, fine. there's no changing that. but if he'd had options, vampire probably would have been very low on his list. he's had to make so many sacrifices, so many adjustments. ]
make immortality your new objective. [ it's resourceful.
[ the more alec thinks on it, the more the pros and cons are even numbered. all of them have a lot to do with very persona things, personal choices. like whether he thinks he has enough to live for in the future that the death of his family will be survivable.
there's no way to know. he just has to decide, and since he's still unsure, he knows he isn't ready to.
it may take a while, which pains him for the very reason raphael brings up. he hates keeping these things from magnus. ]
i haven't. not about this. i don't want to bring it up and give him hope if i'm... still weighing my options.
[ magnus happens to be the person he wants to talk to about this the most, but he can't bring himself to put him through that if it's only to tell him 'nevermind' in the end. ]
[ thinking about it, even raphael is unsure what magnus' response would be to the possibility. of course, magnus would want alec to make the decision he wanted above everything else, but it seems only natural that there would be hope in the idea, hope in the opportunity to avoid another loss and another period of loneliness. raphael has no interest in dwelling on the image of magnus after alec has passed on.
perhaps selfishly, he would like to avoid that pain and magnus' pain altogether. there are benefits to a future in which alec lives on, but all of it is a risk. ]
i know he wouldn't steer you either way. he's not the type. but i see your point. i don't suppose you know how long weighing your options will take?
[ alec is aware of how important it is for him to calculate that risk well. it would serve no one if he ends up regretting this choice for the rest of his life, to the point where it sours every relationship he has.
he wants to make the right choice. he hates not seeing a clear right or wrong option. ]
i know. but i don't want to put him in that position, i guess. of essentially having to tell me it's up to me if i'd rather die than be with him forever. you get it, right?
no. i'm trying not to eternalize it. i hate keeping things from him.
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but thinking about the benefits of loved ones leaving is never easy.
raphael knows and accepts what he is, yes, but he completely understands why someone would want to find another way. if it was his fate to become immortal, fine. there's no changing that. but if he'd had options, vampire probably would have been very low on his list. he's had to make so many sacrifices, so many adjustments. ]
make immortality your new objective. [ it's resourceful.
he has to ask: ] have you spoken to magnus yet?
no subject
there's no way to know. he just has to decide, and since he's still unsure, he knows he isn't ready to.
it may take a while, which pains him for the very reason raphael brings up. he hates keeping these things from magnus. ]
i haven't. not about this. i don't want to bring it up and give him hope if i'm... still weighing my options.
[ magnus happens to be the person he wants to talk to about this the most, but he can't bring himself to put him through that if it's only to tell him 'nevermind' in the end. ]
no subject
perhaps selfishly, he would like to avoid that pain and magnus' pain altogether. there are benefits to a future in which alec lives on, but all of it is a risk. ]
i know he wouldn't steer you either way. he's not the type. but i see your point.
i don't suppose you know how long weighing your options will take?
no subject
he wants to make the right choice. he hates not seeing a clear right or wrong option. ]
i know. but i don't want to put him in that position, i guess. of essentially having to tell me it's up to me if i'd rather die than be with him forever. you get it, right?
no. i'm trying not to eternalize it. i hate keeping things from him.