[ this is not a conversation he would have ever seen himself having with alec lightwood, and if these were different circumstances, he might stop it completely. but they are trying to know each other better, and while it feels like the problems of all immortals or mortals considering immortality are often shared, the similarities here seem too significant to ignore. he can't avoid this when he was—and, at times, still is—up to his neck (ha) in the kind of thoughts and feelings that are dragging alec down now. he knows, too, that this affects magnus directly.
it goes without saying, but: ] it's not easy. for you to watch them die, or for them to watch you live.
but i didn't have a choice. when i recognized there was no going back, the only thing i could do was accept it and move forward.
[ of course, there was a short but nearly deadly period where he recognized there was no going back and felt moving forward was hopeless, unfathomable. but he keeps that to himself.
alec does have a choice, and perhaps it is worse to know that if he makes the wrong one, the fault will lie with him and him alone. ]
no subject
it goes without saying, but: ] it's not easy. for you to watch them die, or for them to watch you live.
but i didn't have a choice. when i recognized there was no going back, the only thing i could do was accept it and move forward.
[ of course, there was a short but nearly deadly period where he recognized there was no going back and felt moving forward was hopeless, unfathomable. but he keeps that to himself.
alec does have a choice, and perhaps it is worse to know that if he makes the wrong one, the fault will lie with him and him alone. ]